Paint Laminate Furniture (So It Actually Lasts)

The Laminate Problem

Laminate furniture is plastic-coated particleboard. Regular paint can't bond to it.

The Magic Formula

1. Clean with TSP — removes years of grease
2. Light sanding with 220 grit
3. Bonding primer — Zinsser Bulls Eye 1-2-3. This is critical.
4. Two thin coats of chalk paint or cabinet paint
5. Water-based polyurethane topcoat

White IKEA Malm → navy blue + gold hardware. Total: $35. Two years later, zero chips.